Appraisal Goal: Professional relationships

 

Goal: To establish and maintain effective professional relationships focused on the learning and well-being of all akonga (students)

 

One family (of the SN children I work with) in particular has been difficult to effectively and positively communicate with. I decided that I needed to really work on further building the relationship for effective collaboration for the good of the child (obviously!!)

 

I found a short reading which summarised why the parents are likely to feel misunderstood or not heard :

 

"Parents of children with special needs have many conflicting, often overwhelming feelings to deal with. Fear, frustration, isolation… Sometimes it can be impossible to put these emotions to one side and they bubble up, making relationships with other people fraught and difficult."

 

"Anger is the response  to other negative feelings. It comes as a consequence of feeling intimidated, frustrated, disappointed, misunderstood or not heard."

 

 ("Emotional Parents" by Sheila Brill and Andrea Wershof)

 

Other readings have also given me an insight as to how families must feel, including

"Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl Kinsley. This is an analogy to the experience of international travel, learning the language and customs of one country - and ending up at a completely different destinaion

Another very valuable article:

"The dance of Partnership: Why do my feet hurt? Strengthening the parent-professional partnership" Janice Fialka. again an analogy...as the title suggests, to dance.

I have also shared both of these with the teachers and teacher aides, and will with new staff working with the SN children.

 

Family A:

 

During the year I have made a real effort to build up a relationship with the mum in particular, by catching her as she brings her child to school, always saying hello to  and chatting to the younger preschool sibling, (as well as mum and child of course) and commenting on something the child has done recently. Luckily most times, it has gone well.

One time in particular though, when the mum came to pick the child up she had a concern (I can't remember now what it was!) and pretty much cornered me near the classroom door and relayed her issues. I was very aware that the children were about to exit the classroom foyer, and didn't want to be caught in the onslaught, so kept my back to the door to talk. There were a few other parents starting to gather and I was distinctly aware of them, and I couldn't really ask her to talk elsewhere as she would specifically have been wanting to collect the child from the classroom. Asking to talk at another time would not have been acceptable either. She started to discuss her concerns and one other parent actually moved closer to listen!!!!!!!  I listened and rather than address issues (not appropriate in the place) I acknowledged her concerns and said that I would follow them up - then: 'saved by the bell!' I did follow up on the concerns at the time.

Having got to know the mum over the past 2 years, once things are 'off her chest' so to speak often the initial issues resolve (often with my follow up) or something else crops up that supercedes them.

I have found that the 'casual, friendly' approach has been successful most of the time. I think I have achieved (at least for the time being) my goal, as at the end of last term when discussing the input (or her percieved lack of input) from other professionals, she burst into tears. While that sounds very harsh, I felt that I had finally gained her trust enough for her to acknowledge her true and deep feelings about the situation to me.
 

When having formal meetings,I always ask the Sp Ed key worker to facilitate the meeting and this also ensures that any information from the MOE perspective is accurate. Having little experience myself in dealing with many of the issues, having an 'expert' involved always helps.

 

Sheila Brill and Andrea Wershof also suggest ways of dealing with meetings:

 

"Give the parent information about the meeting:

why it is being called

 

how long it will last

 

the aims of the meeting

 

who will be there

 

whether the child will be attending for some or all of the time

 

what will happen next."

 

So far I have found that even if the purpose of meetings etc are stated, the family usually come with other issues that might be bothering them. When I have tried to set up specific meetings to address such issues (and other issues as they arise) that time is not offered (by the family) to attend and often the issues either resolve themselves or other issues overtake them.

 

Family B:

 

Another family are variable in their communication with school, and with a family breakdown, it has got even worse. Before the latest family crisis, I often had difficulty making sense of what the family was relating to me about visits to the paediatrician etc. (I know now to ask for the family to give the Dr's permission to send reports etc to the school as well)

When some medication turned up at school with little written indication of when to dose etc, and my knowledge conflicting with the family's understanding I had to consult with other professionals. As a result I suggested next time when the family needed to go to a medical appointment that I was happy to go along to support them. They were very grateful. It meant that I heard first hand what the concerns were and how to deal with them, medication, next steps etc, and I could also ask questions (the family specifically requested this) I found that while they know their child's situation so well, there were some things that they just didn't know about, to even ask about. It was VERY helpful and I also attended 2 other appointments, as well as hosting some appointments at school to make it easier for the family (and me) to access them, rather than having to travel out of town.

Unfortunately, the present family crisis is impeding communication with the mum in particular not often coming in to school. She has recently confided in me about some upcoming events and situations, so it is now a 'wait and see'

 

Family C:

The relationship with this family (mum 99% of the time as dad works away from home a lot) is strong. Due to the medically fragile nature of the child's condition, she has been absent many times from school. To keep in touch I made home visits during the day. I always ring first (obviously!) but at least once woke mum (who survives on very little sleep due to the erratic sleep patterns and health needs of the child). When visiting I take an activity or resource to work with the child.  Sometimes the child has been asleep when I have rung, and Mum has still invited me around - Mum appreciates the adult interactions and also has a chance to discuss how things are. She has also confided in me some of her personal issues...that have arisen as a result of things happeneing with her other children.

 

Family D:

 

The relationship with this family is very strong and open. The relationship with the Teacher Aide and the family is also strong with direct contact happening.

 

I do feel very privileged to be invited into other people's lives and homes, to be confided in, and to share in such intimate parts of their family lives. I need to be careful to keep a professional distance but at the same time keep the communication channels open. To be non judgemental, is a very important aspect, it is not for me to judge, but to support as much as possible in whatever is best for the children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sheila Brill

and

Andrea Wershof

Sencos often feel anxious when meeting parents and carers.

Sheila Brill and

Andrea Wershof
look at these encounters from the parents’ perspective